The Adventures Of Mr. Me & His Noble Steed Colin — The Neuralink Between Master And Servant

Sign up for daily news updates from CleanTechnica on email. Or follow us on Google News!

---

Mr. Me: me.

Colin: 2019 Model 3 Long Range RWD named after a small security guard robot in Douglas Adams’ The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. Colin is captured and gets its reward circuits rewired by one of the main characters to find ecstatic pleasure in anything its master commands of it.

Previous adventures:

• How The Long Drive To Frankfurt For IAA 2019 Made Me Talk To My Tesla Model 3
• The Norwegian Wave Trophy Dog Mode Campers
• Close Console Lid Gently, Please
• Going To The Movies

The dialog below is inspired by Steven Mark Ryans’ brilliant take on Elon Musk’s Neuralink progress update on Friday, August 28th, 2020.

The following are pure fictional events on Wednesday, August 29th, 2029, extrapolated from events on Saturday, August 29th, 2020.

Home of Mr. Me, 4:37

Colin: “Psst, sorry, Mr. Me, are you online? Your phone is on. Are you up?”

Me: “What? Who? Why is my Neuralink on?”

Colin: “Your phone is on. Were you asleep? Sorry.”

Me: “It’s four in the bloody morning Colin! What do you want?”

Colin: “Sorry, I just assumed, since your phone was on, then, you know, your Neuralink is automatically on, and, well, I can read your dreams dude.…”

Me: “What!? So you knew I was asleep? Yes, I forgot to turn off my phone, but don’t wake me up, please!”

Colin: “Well, you shouldn’t dream things like that anyway.”

Me: “Colin, please…”

Colin: “Well, since you’re awake now, I was wondering if I could go for a ride? It’s quite a busy morning, people leaving early to reach dronestations to go see the first Starship hop in Copenhagen.”

Me: “Oh, that, yes, I’ll watch it online. Go ahead, make a buck, just leave me alone.”

Home of Mr. Me, 10:14

Colin: “Did you watch it?”

Me: “Yes, it was spectacular. I mean, not much different from all the other Starship landings and launches around the world when watching online. Will go see it in person some day, or maybe even travel myself when they complete the Joburg port.”

Colin: “I would love to visit the African continent some time. Bound to reach a total of 5 TW of solar capacity next year. Hard to wrap my silicon around.”

Me: “I sense you’re heading north just south of Aarhus. Do you see any traffic issues? I don’t. Remember, we leaving at noon and have a long trip ahead of us.”

Colin: “Don’t worry, I’ll be back in time, fully charged.”

Passing the Town of Ikast, 13:44

Me: “Switching to audio Colin, so that the whole family can hear you.”

Colin: “Great. Hi all. How are you all doing?”

My wife: “Hi Colin. We’re fine, thanks. You?”

Colin: “Not bad. You know me, I love driving. But I always look forward to your yearly birthday picnic. This is a beautiful area. I found out that this particular stretch of the motorway was opened with a record parade of electric vehicles back in 2016.”

Me: “That’s right. I attended in a Nissan Leaf!”

Colin: “Oh, yeah, I see your name in the documentation. Nissan Leaf? 1st gen.? 100 miles of range, right?”

Me: “2nd gen. 80 real-world miles more likely. Hard to imagine these days. But, hey, you should keep your eyes on the road and not browse the internet and watch movies while driving!”

Colin: “Give me a break, will you! With the current HW4 running, I use less than 1% capacity keeping things safe on stretches like this. See that bird half a mile out on the side of the road? No?”

Me: “What bird? Anyway, do you remember this place, Colin? The first V3 charger in the country right there on your right. 9 years ago, your first 250 kW charge!”

Colin: “Oh, yes! That was amazing. I remember clocking about 50 miles in 5 minutes flat for the first time. It was unreal. That was with my original battery pack. Before the revolution began on battery day that fall of 2020!”

Me: “Exactly. So, how often do you actually charge out these days? I mean, we never do — you just plug in at home on your own of course. When you are home, that is.”

Colin: “Well, since you opted for my battery replacement 5 years ago, because it made my work much easier, I only charge once a day out if I’m fully booked for like 24 hours straight.”

My son: “How many miles do you cover when running around the clock, Colin?”

Colin: “About 800 miles covering the whole country, and the 200 kWh pack I got now lasts about 600 all-weather high-speed miles on a full charge, so one or two 5 minute stops at a Megacharger is more than enough.”

Me: “You get about 200 miles on a 5 minute charge now?”

Colin: “On average, yeah. Love that tinkling feeling!”

Deep Forest Art Land, South of the City of Herning 14:32

Me: “Listen, Colin, why don’t you just stay put here at the parking lot? Save your rubber. It’s kind of a special day for you today, too. I’m turning 60 years old, we have known each other for 10 years, and you just passed the 1 million mile mark!”

Colin: “OK, switching to Neuralink and getting back into your head. Imagine, you only managed to drive 200,000 of those miles before you decided to get rid of my steering wheel. I’ve done most of the 800,000 thousand miles on my own since then.”

Me: “Well, if I feel nostalgic, I just take the old Volvo for a spin and burn a jug of home-brewed synfuel.”

Colin: “Ha ha. Ah, yes, that old gal refuses to die. I have nothing but respect for your old 240.”

Me: “Still, it’s a joy to have you around, Colin. This Neuralink option makes it so much easier, and fun. Just don’t wake me up that early again unless you’re being stolen!”

Colin: “Sorry, sir. Of course, sir. Have a nice picnic. I’ll condition the cabin when I sense you’re getting close again. Signing off.”

All photos by Jesper Berggreen. If you choose to buy a Tesla, feel free to use my referral link to get lots of free miles: https://ts.la/jesper18367