This Is Failure

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Some people just can’t win.

Some companies just can’t win.

Fate can be harsh, even for those who try very hard.

As we all know, this is total failure, and just shouldn’t be accepted:


Producing cars that have only 5-star safety ratings, not 10-star safety ratings.

So lame.


Having only the 4th best selling car in the United States more than 8 years after producing your first 1,000 cars.

Come on, not even on the podium?


Landing 4,087 percentage points short of 30,000% growth in 6 years.

Sad.


Gobbling only 35% of the US luxury car market, not a more respectable 50%.

How can you call that a win? You can’t.


And don’t even mention the weak-as-spaghetti 18% share of the overall US luxury vehicle market that Tesla has.

True — that does still put it at #1. But seriously, that’s not even 1 out of every 5 new luxury vehicle sales.


Outselling Mercedes and BMW? Meh, alright, that’s okay, but not outselling both of them combined? Not good enough.

Who can’t outsell the German luxury duo?


Having a market cap of just $48 billion after 15 years of existence. Not $100 billion? $200 billion? $10,000 billion?

Come on. Dude. Get moving.


3.5 seconds to 60 mph for Tesla Model 3 Performance? You call that performance? 2.5 seconds to 60 mph for a Tesla Model S P100D? Ludicrous? Yes, ludicrous — ludicrously bad.

Why not 2 seconds? 1 second? -2 seconds? I thought you sold rocket ships.


80,000 vehicles a quarter 6 years after your first mass-produced car, rather than 5 years, or 3 years?

#FAIL


Coolest brand on the planet?

Hardly. Klondike is cooler.


There’s only one objective way to look at it — Tesla is a failure. Elon Musk obviously doesn’t know what he’s doing. Tesla shareholders? Must be out of their minds. Drinking too much Kool-Aid.

So close to success. So close to useful. But in the end, such a fail.

Next, please.

Check out more Morning Monkey Business stories for more fun.


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Zachary Shahan

Zach is tryin' to help society help itself one word at a time. He spends most of his time here on CleanTechnica as its director, chief editor, and CEO. Zach is recognized globally as an electric vehicle, solar energy, and energy storage expert. He has presented about cleantech at conferences in India, the UAE, Ukraine, Poland, Germany, the Netherlands, the USA, Canada, and Curaçao. Zach has long-term investments in Tesla [TSLA], NIO [NIO], Xpeng [XPEV], Ford [F], ChargePoint [CHPT], Amazon [AMZN], Piedmont Lithium [PLL], Lithium Americas [LAC], Albemarle Corporation [ALB], Nouveau Monde Graphite [NMGRF], Talon Metals [TLOFF], Arclight Clean Transition Corp [ACTC], and Starbucks [SBUX]. But he does not offer (explicitly or implicitly) investment advice of any sort.

Zachary Shahan has 7400 posts and counting. See all posts by Zachary Shahan