Published on November 26th, 2019 | by Zachary Shahan0
For The Record, I Love My Pretty Little Tesla Model 3 Covered In Nail Polish
November 26th, 2019 by Zachary Shahan
It’s funny, just when you think Tesla’s got the most gangbuster, insane, record-breaking vehicle on the roads, it unveils another one that one-ups its predecessor. The Tesla Model 3 shattered record after record, and then Tesla unveiled the Model Y, a crossover or SUV version of the 3 that is basically guaranteed to outsell the Model 3. Just as Model Y test vehicles are being spotted left and right in Silicon Valley and there are rumors of production starting soon, Tesla says, “hold my beer, bruh,” and unveils the Cybertruck (aka Cybertrukk, aka I’m-gonna-blow-your-freakin’-mind-and-then-put-it-back-together truck). Perhaps it’s just because it’s the hot new thing, but I don’t think there’s ever been such an exciting product launch or response to a product launch — this has been absolutely bonkers.
I don’t want to diminish the Model 3’s breakthrough release and rise to fame. I was on the test track recording the historical moment for 2 hours on the night the Model 3 was first shown, and I can still remember the “Holy cow — this is going to destroy the competition!” response many of us had. The Model 3 then, and now, was something like a combination of a Porsche and a Tesla Model S … for the price of a BMW 3 Series or Audi A4 and the cost of ownership of a Camry. The car was and still is earth-shattering, elegant, wonderful. Nonetheless, it’s no Cybertruck.
Whereas Elon Musk previously had to play within the boundaries of essentially safe and conventional (more or less) product design, in order to “cautiously” keep Tesla alive and growing, the company is now at such a secure place in terms of cash flow and profits that Elon can toy around with wilder ideas. Buckle up!
The Cybertruck has apparently been several years in the making, so definitely don’t write it off as a flippant midlife crisis vehicle, but there is almost nothing normal about it, and I think it’s safe to say it is easily Elon’s favorite vehicle, and probably Kimbal Musk’s, too. In fact, it appears that the Cybertruck is suddenly the favorite vehicle of many a Tesla fan. Tesla owners are throwing their Model 3s and Model Y reservations at Elon and asking for a Cybertruck ASAP. Who would have expected this?
I love the Cybertruck. It grows on me by the day and is scratching at my skull trying to get me to put down $100 for a preorder. But as I noted in my article saying that the Cybertruck makes Ford, Ram, and Chevrolet trucks look like princess wagons and Barbie Jeeps, I don’t think I fit the manly-man target audience of the Cybertruck. I’m not a fan of big vehicles at all (the Model S is too big for my tastes), my tool supply is embarrassingly limited (yet even those tools are almost entirely unused), and I’ve never felt a need to tower over the other auto-bubble-wrapped people on the road. The truth is, while I think it’s interesting and attractive in a special way, the Cybertruck’s not really my thing.
With all of that in mind — and after calling Ford, Ram, and Chevrolet trucks Barbie Power Wheels and princess wagons — I figured I should smoothen things out a bit with regards to my gender joking.
At a Florida Tesla Enthusiasts event yesterday where he and I were the headliners, David Havasi furthered my stereotyping of normal pickup trucks by comparing vehicle paint to nail polish. So, I’m now seeing all the non-Cybertrucks on the road as girly vehicles covered in nail polish.
But I have no qualms sharing that I love my girly, shiny, polished Tesla Model 3! It is still my favorite vehicle out there. I love how smooth, sophisticated, sleek, and Eastern-European-squinty-eyed the car is. I love the handling, the zippy acceleration, the small size (relative to a Cybertruck or any other Tesla), and that it’s the cleanest and most minimalist vehicle on the road. I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with someone who wants to drive a girly Ford F-150 or Chevy Silverado — aside from the pollution they cause, of course. There’s nothing wrong with grown men loving girly vehicles!
I’m a city boy and expect to stick with my white-nail-polish Model 3 indefinitely — unless I switch to a Model Y to help my aging knees. So don’t think for a second that I’m judging any man who wants to also stick with a Model 3 or with a dainty Toyota Tacoma or RAM 1500. If that’s what you love and what works for you, more power to you! If you like it covered in blue or red nail polish, cool — to each their own. (Though, I have to repeat again that it would be sensible from the viewpoint of humankind to switch to an electric truck as soon as possible, and there is, luckily, the schoolgirl-like Rivian coming to market soon.)
How much do I love my Tesla Model 3? So much that I run outside to take pictures of it in beautiful orange & pink sunsets! Seriously — I just did that tonight. A hairy, buff, ripped Cybertruck could never be so beautiful, elegant, sophisticated, and soothing to admire.
Nothing can ever replace Model 3.
All Tesla Model 3 photos by Zach Shahan. #NoFilter
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