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Open Letter To Tesla, From The Car Dealership Associations (Satire)

Want to laugh your ass off? Of course you do. Following a very long line of descent that goes back at least to the time of the ancient Greeks, satire has remained one of the most effective ways of making people lol to the point of crying, while also getting a point across effectively (if done well anyway). Hence, the decision to use the literary style to get to the heart of the the motivation behind the car dealership association war against Tesla Motors.

Tesla-Berlin-Store-12Coming to us via Ezra Dyer over at Car and Driver, “An Open Letter to Tesla, From Your Friendly Local Car Dealers” is an excellent example of the type.

Here are a couple of the highlights:

  • “Now, you may enjoy selling your cars with no middleman and just keeping all the money. But I ask, have you considered letting us have some of that money? It is our position that we would like some of the money.”
  • “I’m telling you, people love negotiating. Consumers hate having a clear, fixed price that everyone understands. The dealer-franchise model lets them feel as if they got a deal, while not really getting a deal. Everyone wins.”
  • “We know you see yourself as a disruptor, Tesla, but I don’t think you understand how many people you’re disrupting. Car dealerships are financial ecosystems in their own right, spurring economic ­activity in a range of related sectors. The inflatable-dancing-guy industry depends on car dealers, as does the low-budget family-TV-commercial business.”
  • “I hereby order you to cease and desist! Or just cease. Or desist. We can discuss the options. See, that’s a situation known as ‘negotiating.’ Something you wouldn’t know much about, Tesla.”

Those interested should go and check the full piece out. It’s quite good, in my opinion, and gets to the heart of the car dealers’ real objections to allowing Tesla to sell vehicles directly to customers. After all, “It’s not fair! It’s not fair if Tesla won’t let us rip them off! Whahhhhh!”

Oh wait, the dealership associations actually said that one.

Image Credit: Zachary Shahan | CleanTechnica | EV Obsession (CC BY-SA 4.0)

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Written By

James Ayre's background is predominantly in geopolitics and history, but he has an obsessive interest in pretty much everything. After an early life spent in the Imperial Free City of Dortmund, James followed the river Ruhr to Cofbuokheim, where he attended the University of Astnide. And where he also briefly considered entering the coal mining business. He currently writes for a living, on a broad variety of subjects, ranging from science, to politics, to military history, to renewable energy.


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